The Goal-Setting Method That Actually Sticks

Why SMART goals aren't smart enough

You've heard of SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound. It's a reasonable framework. It's also incomplete. SMART goals tell you how to structure a goal. They say nothing about whether the goal is actually yours.

The most common reason people abandon goals isn't that the goal was too big or too vague. It's that the goal was borrowed — from a parent, a culture, a LinkedIn post, a version of themselves they thought they should be. When the going gets hard, borrowed goals don't hold.

The first question to ask about any goal isn't 'Is it specific?' It's 'Is it mine?' That question is harder to answer than it sounds.

The identity gap most people miss

Here's what I've observed across hundreds of coaching conversations: people set goals at the level of outcomes ('I want to earn more', 'I want to lose weight', 'I want to change careers') without examining the identity assumptions underneath them.

Every goal implies a future version of you. If that future version feels foreign — if it conflicts with how you currently see yourself — your brain will quietly resist it. Not because you're self-sabotaging, but because identity is one of the most powerful forces in human psychology.

The most durable goals are the ones where you can say: 'This is the kind of person I'm becoming.' Not 'This is the thing I want to have.' The shift from outcome to identity changes everything.

“The most durable goals are the ones where you can say: 'This is the kind of person I'm becoming.' Not 'This is the thing I want to have.'”

The method: anchor, bridge, step

After years of working with clients on this, I've landed on a three-part structure that consistently outperforms the standard approaches.

First, the anchor. Before you set any goal, get clear on the value underneath it. Not the outcome you want — the reason you want it. 'I want to earn more' might be anchored in security, or freedom, or recognition. Each of those anchors points toward a different goal and a different path.

Second, the bridge. Define the identity shift the goal requires. Who do you need to become to achieve this? What beliefs, habits, or relationships need to change? This is where most goal-setting stops short — and where the real work begins.

Third, the step. Now — and only now — identify the smallest possible action that moves you toward the bridge. Not the action that will get you there fastest. The one you'll actually do. Momentum matters more than speed.

What to do when you stall

Every goal hits a stall point. The initial energy fades, the novelty wears off, and you're left with the unglamorous work of showing up when you don't feel like it. This is where most people conclude they've failed.

They haven't. They've just hit the part of the process that nobody talks about. The stall is not a sign that the goal is wrong. It's a sign that the goal has become real — that it's now competing with the rest of your life for time, energy, and attention.

When you stall, go back to the anchor. Reconnect with the value underneath the goal. Ask yourself: is this still mine? If the answer is yes, the path forward is usually simpler than it feels. If the answer is no, that's important information too.